Mort Goldman
Mort Goldman is Neil Goldman's father and the widower of Muriel Goldman. He is Jewish and owns Goldman's Pharmacy. Mort takes on the characteristics of Sol Rosenberg, a character of The Jerky Boys created by Johnny Brennan in the late 1980s. Personality and traits Mort's defining characteristics are stereotypically Jewish, such as his whiny neuroticism, his chronic hypochondria, his wimpy attitude and his general gawkiness. Mort has terrible social skills, frequently discussing his various maladies and childhood bullying in otherwise polite conversation. Mort doesn't mind revealing details about his customers' personal health problems; for example, in "Mr. Saturday Knight", he went into the details about a man with hemorrhoids, telling the man's daughter and her classroom that they were like stinking little balloons and that they stung him so bad that he had to apply the lotion in his car with a sock. In "Mr. Saturday Knight", he was a guest speaker at Career Day at Buddy Cianci Junior High School. He later joined the renaissance fair in an attempt to overcome his fear of swords. He tells Peter Griffin that he was stabbed in the ear by a man in a pirate suit when he was five years old, and again when he was 30. He also yelled out that he miscarried. In "Stuck Together, Torn Apart", it is revealed that Mort and Muriel watch movies to "Hotel California" and that his niece is Jennifer Love Hewitt. He once bowled a perfect game in "Blind Ambition", in a rather unorthodox way by rolling the ball extremely slowly down the lane. Lois has her photo shoot pictures developed at Mort's pharmacy in "Model Misbehavior", and then poses for a series of fliers to advertise the pharmacy. It is also shown that Mort hates the presence of Greased-up Deaf Guy in his store. In "Brian the Bachelor", to ensure that Lois could not purchase acne medication to clear up his zit, Doug, Chris, under Doug's influence, broke into Goldman's Pharmacy and destroyed all the acne medication. He sang "The Morning After" at karaoke night in The Drunken Clam in "Don't Make Me Over". In "Long John Peter", his pharmacy was damaged by Peter and his pirate crew, who made sure that the rack of cheap pharmacy toys was blasted. In "No Meals on Wheels", he is afraid of Peter's "scarejew" made in the likeness of Adolf Hitler and exclaims that Jon Stewart needs to be saved. In "April in Quahog", Mort is flipped off by Jesus and Jesus implies he's going to hell. In "Road to Germany", Mort's grandparents, Chaim and Sarah Goldman and other relatives are revealed to live in Warsaw, Poland meaning that Mort is at least part Polish. Because of Stewie's time machine, he was able to witness his grandparents' wedding, initially believing he was in heaven. He also interrupts the customary musical number in "Road to..." episodes before it could even start. In "Family Gay", Peter tries to get rid of his dead retarded horse 'Til Death by throwing it through the window of Mort's pharmacy. Mort returns the horse in the same fashion. Mort plays a Jawa in Blue Harvest and Lando Calrissian in Something, Something, Something, Dark Side and It's A Trap!. While the character gains Goldman's mannerisms, Goldman gains Calrissian's skin color. In "Road to the Multiverse", when Brian and Stewie visit a Disney universe, Mort comes in to greet his neighbors, who beat him up for being Jewish, prompting Stewie and Brian to leave. In "And Then There Were Fewer", Mort and Muriel are invited to James Woods' mansion, where Muriel is murdered by Diane Simmons, making Mort a widower as well as leaving Neil motherless. Mort appears in the show's intro starting with "Excellence in Broadcasting". This would continue until "He's Bla-ack!", in which Mort is replaced by Cleveland Brown. In "Tiegs for Two", he attends Quagmire's class on how to pick up women. In "Thanksgiving", he appears in a cutaway where Peter fakes his death. After Muriel's death, Mort finds himself in financial trouble in "Burning Down the Bayit", as he isn't able to cheat the customers the way she could. With Peter and Quagmire, they plot to burn down the pharmacy to collect the insurance. But Peter slips up and Joe arrests them, only to let them free when they bring back memories of how an insurance company screwed Joe after his paralyzing accident. Mort is also shown to have a relative who is a lawyer that looks just like him. Peter names a star after Mort in "Killer Queen". Mort wishes he had just given him the money instead. In "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie", Stewie plants a bomb in Mort's wallet set to go off when he opens it. After two weeks, Stewie plants another bomb that goes off when Mort burps in his hands, which he does. After the explosion, Mort checks his wallet to see if it's ok and the second bomb explodes. Mort recovers and reopens the pharmacy in "Tea Peter". When Mort sees a mob coming for Peter in "Ratings Guy", he panics and flees for the safety of the Quahog National Bank by using a Menorah as a jet pack. Mort appears in the special opening of "Valentine's Day in Quahog". Mort's parents appear for the first time in "Save the Clam". Mort appears briefly in "Life of Brian", where he takes the hockey net Stewie threw away, intending to give it to Neil as a birthday present. Mort reveals he was a record mogul in the 1970s at Mort Town Records in "In Harmony's Way", managing such groups as Earth, Wind, Fire and Pollen until allergies and an olive addiction forced him out of the music business until he temporarily becomes Peter and Quagmire's manager. Peter and the guys travel to Jerusalem in search of God, only to discover everyone there is just like Mort, in "3 Acts of God". Quagmire crank-calls Mort in "Baby Got Black" and convinces him he is Muriel, having faked her own death. In "The Simpsons Guy", in the courtroom scene, he is seated next to fellow Jew Krusty the Clown. Neil and Chris trick Sean Penn into dressing up just like his dad in "Once Bitten". He appears dressed as Jerome in "A Lot Going On Upstairs", when Brian tries to fool Stewie by dressing the family and neighbors as each other. When Peter tries to come up with people who could go on Quagmire's camping trip other than himself in "No Giggity, No Doubt", he summons everyone from Family Guy, American Dad! and The Cleveland Show. He finds this also includes the ghosts of Angela and Mayor Adam West. But when Muriel's ghost appears, Mayor West shoves her aside. Episode Appearances *FG308 "The Kiss Seen Around the World" *FG309 "Mr. Saturday Knight" *FG313 "Screwed the Pooch" *FG315 "Ready, Willing, and Disabled" *FG319 "Stuck Together, Torn Apart" *FG321 "Family Guy Viewer Mail No. 1" *FG403 "Blind Ambition" *FG404 "Don't Make Me Over" *FG406 "Petarded" *FG407 "Brian the Bachelor" *FG408 "8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter" *FG410 "Model Misbehavior" *FG424 "Peterotica" *FG425 "You May Now Kiss the...Uh...Guy Who Receives" *FG426 "Petergeist" *FG503 "Hell Comes to Quahog" *FG508 "Barely Legal" *FG509 "Road to Rupert" *FG514 "No Meals on Wheels" *FG601 "Blue Harvest" *FG604 "Stewie Kills Lois" *FG606 "Padre de Familia" (mentioned) *FG607 "Peter's Daughter" (mentioned) *FG612 "Long John Peter" *FG703 "Road to Germany" *FG707 "Ocean's Three and a Half" (On DVD Version) *FG708 "Family Gay" *FG709 "The Juice Is Loose" *FG716 "Peter's Progress" *FG801 "Road to the Multiverse" *FG802 "Family Goy" *FG803 "Spies Reminiscent of Us" (voice only) *FG808 "Dog Gone" *FG809 "Business Guy" *FG811 "Dial Meg for Murder" *FG813 "Go, Stewie, Go!" *FG814 "Peter-assment" *FG816 "April in Quahog" *FG820 "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" *FG901 "And Then There Were Fewer" *FG904 "Halloween on Spooner Street" *FG905 "Baby, You Knock Me Out" *FG907 "Road to the North Pole *FG908 "New Kidney in Town" (mentioned) *FG913 "Trading Places" *FG914 "Tiegs for Two" *FG918 "It's A Trap!" *FG1001 "Lottery Fever" *FG1003 "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q." (mentioned) *FG1006 "Thanksgiving" *FG1010 "Quagmire and Meg" *FG1013 "Tom Tucker: The Man and His Dream" *FG1015 "Burning Down the Bayit" *FG1016 "Killer Queen" *FG1019 "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie" *FG1021 "Tea Peter" *FG1023 "Internal Affairs" *FG1102 "Ratings Guy" *FG1104 "Yug Ylimaf" *FG1106 "Lois Comes Out of Her Shell" *FG1108 "Jesus, Mary & Joseph" (as the Innkeeper) *FG1112 "Valentine's Day in Quahog" *FG1114 "Call Girl" *FG1116 "12 and a Half Angry Men" *FG1118 "Total Recall" *FG1119 "Save the Clam" *FG1121 "Roads to Vegas" *FG1201 "Finders Keepers" *FG1206 "Life of Brian" *FG1207 "In Harmony's Way" *FG1210 "Grimm Job" (in fairy tale) *FG1213 "3 Acts of God" *FG1216 "Herpe, the Love Sore" *FG1218 "Baby Got Black" *FG1220 "He's Bla-ack!" *FG1221 "Chap Stewie" *FG1301 "The Simpsons Guy" *FG1303 "Baking Bad" *FG1310 "Quagmire's Mom" *FG1315 "Once Bitten" *FG1316 "Roasted Guy" *FG1407 "Hot Pocket-Dial" *FG1410 "Candy Quahog Marshmallow!" *FG1413 "An App a Day" (mentioned) *FG1414 "Underage Peter" *FG1415 "A Lot Going On Upstairs" *FG1416 "The Heartbreak Dog" *FG1418 "The New Adventures of Old Tom" *FG1501 "The Boys in the Band" (heard while in costume) *FG1505 "Chris Has Got a Date, Date, Date, Date, Date" *FG1507 "High School English" *FG1511 "Gronkowsbees" *FG1514 "The Dating Game" *FG1516 "Saturated Fat Guy" (mentioned) *FG1603 "Nanny Goats" (voice only) *FG1604 "Follow the Money" *FG1605 "Three Directors" *FG1619 "The Unkindest Cut" *FG1705 "Regarding Carter" *FG1715 "No Giggity, No Doubt" *FG1803 "Absolutely Babulous" (mentioned) *FG1807 "Heart Burn" *FG1811 "Short Cuts" Category:Jewish characters Category:Major Characters